I am not desperate and I will not settle. I'm writing this as a woman who knows that I want the man of God you are continuing to become. I don't know who you are going to be, but I pray for you constantly. All I can trust as that God has you in His hands. He is molding you into someone who will be my partner. Someone who will stand beside me. Life is no fairytale. I'm not longing for a happy ending because I know that will only truly happen when I make it to heaven. I'm looking forward to a life with someone who understands that. Who understands that this earth is only the beginning. And I'm scared. I'm so scared that there isn't that person out there. There are so many things that I lack. I can't have my own children, but I want kids. I love kids. I want someone who is okay with that. Who will want to adopt children. Children who would otherwise never have homes. I want a man who won't hold it against me that I can't have children. Who will accept me as a woman who wants to be a mother to the otherwise motherless. I'm okay with this, in fact I'm great with this. But will you be great with it too? I'm scared that you won't be. As a woman today it's not okay to appear weak or vulnerable, but I am who I am. God has made me this way. I laugh loudly and I'm just loud in general. I want someone who isn't embarrassed of who I am. I'm working on me. I'm working on becoming quieter. I'm working on listening more. There is plenty I'm working on and there always will be. I just know the man I will end up with will accept me for who I am now and will continue to accept me. I will always be quirky. I will always have dreams. Crazy passions of the heart. Like writing and finishing this book. I dance and humm constantly because there is always a joy in my soul now. I appreciate that I am free through God and I won't hide that joy. I encourage those around me because God's love is so very much alive inside of me. I just want others to know that love. I want to own so many dogs. My dog now is my best friend. She's been a pillow when I've cried and a friend who has always listened. I know that you will understand that. I have what may seem a silly love for elephants because they are loyal and compassionate to their herd. They don't forget that love for one another and they carry it around with them everywhere. I want to be like that. I don't ever want to forget the love that God has for me. I want to constantly carry it around like the elephants do. I want to go to africa. I want to help people. I want to love on people. I love to encourage everyone and anyone. That's just who I am. I'm also prideful. I'm working on that too. I talk to much and I tend to have a hard time focusing. Believe me I know my flaws and I'm harder on myself than anyone possibly ever could be. I have come to love me though because I know God loves me. If He can love me despite all of my sins and imperfections then I know it's okay to love me. I need to get this off of my chest because I know there are so many other women who struggle with this. We all struggle with waiting. But I will wait for you. I have no problem with waiting for you because I know if I wait that you are going to be amazing. So I'm waiting and I'm okay with that, but at the same time...I already miss you. Is that wrong? I don't think it is.
"All I know is we said hello
and your eyes look like coming home
all I know is a simple thing
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
and you'll be mine and I'll be yours
And all I know since yesterday
is everything has changed
come back and tell me why
I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time
and meet me there tonight
and let me know that it's not all in my mind"
Taylor Swift Ft. Ed Sheeran "Everything Has Changed"
No comments:
Post a Comment